There Will Be Conflict, So Conflict Well

via TJC

We conclude this week’s strategies for Resolving Conflict in marriage/families with today’s DBO.  Happy Black Friday.

“The world is unprincipled. It’s dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will…We use our powerful God-tools for fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.” ~ 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (MSG Paraphrase)

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. It’s necessary.  You will have challenges and you will have different perspectives. However, you can choose to have healthy conflict in which you both move towards each other and resolve a problem, or you can have unhealthy conflict where you focus on winning by beating the other person into submission and your point of view.

For Kingdom men leading Kingdom families, unhealthy conflict is unproductive. We need a proactive strategy that puts us on the same side and makes the issue the problem to be solved; not the person, someone to be conquered. This mindset encourages us to carefully consider objectives, costs, exit strategy, and potential collateral damage before entering into conflict.

My wife introduced me to a new way of approaching conflict, and together we turned it into our household Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs):

1. If I fight to win, I make my spouse a loser—and I don’t want to be married to a loser.

2. Before I speak, T.H.I.N.K:

3. True: Is what I’m about to say correct, accurate, and from a trustworthy source?

4. Helpful: Does it offer improvement, equipping, correcting, training, or rebuke?

5. Invitational: Have I been given permission to speak into this area of their life?

6. Necessary: Is it the right time, right place, and a right and important message?

7. Kind: How is my tone and delivery? Have I considered how my words might be misunderstood or taken out of context?

If I can answer “yes” to all five, I’m free to share. If any answer is “no,” I hold my tongue and do the necessary internal work before speaking.

Resolving conflict effectively starts with planning how to handle it—and sticking to that plan. Healthy conflict strengthens relationships by showing that you prioritize them and finding a solution together. Unhealthy conflict tears people down, and unchecked, eventually apart. With preparation, your plan will see you and your relationship through to the other side.  

Daily Battle Order: Remember Conflict isn’t about winning; it’s about building and strengthening your relationship. Let God’s tools shape how you fight—and how you reconcile.

1. Commit to T.H.I.N.K. Write it down, review it, and share it with your spouse.

2. Apply it. You’ll have opportunities to try it out today—so give it a shot!

3. Reflect. Share your experience with your family and keep growing together.