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Love Does: Presence and Sacrifice

via TJC

“In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.” 1 John 4:9 (KJV)

In Bob Goff’s book Love Does, he says, “faith isn’t about knowing all the right stuff or obeying a list of rules. It’s something more, something more costly because it involves being present and making a sacrifice – the brand of love Jesus offers is more about presence than undertaking a project.”

I find it interesting that we often can acknowledge Jesus as God, a Holy God who is the only one who can fix anyone. And while we are a work in progress as He began a good work in us and will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ, we continue in the misconception that we could fix people. This is often terribly true in our marriages – we tend to arrogantly believe we’ve taken on a project. We’re men, we like to fix things, right?!

Just last night while out for dinner, my wife said to me, “I lost you to the TV” (Men’s college hoops were on in the restaurant). I snapped back, “I was not and rarely watched TV (which is generally true, but not in that moment). I accused her of judging me as “one of those guys” and assumed she was attempting to correct me. To which I said, “you always find a fault in me”. 

Later, that evening, as I began to consider why that had happened, I began to think about the above portion of Love Does as I was contemplating writing this DBO. I began to consider how she simply wanted my presence, and to sacrifice a rare moment of TV for conversation. 

I then contemplated how often I feel I’m expected to follow a set of rules according to her, but also, how extremely guilty of “rule-setting” I am with her. When we set rules for each other, we aren’t loving each other, we’re setting false expectations of performance. This is not the love God speaks about in 1st John 4. The type of love spoken about allows a person to “live” through His love and sacrifice. 

So, instead of trying to judge, to fix, or to change our spouse according to our rules and expectations; can we simply be present, make sacrifices to be present, and stop trying to fix the person and make them follow our “list of rules” or shove them into the mold we seem to expect.

Lyrics to “What is this Grace” from Samson by Sight and Sound Theatres says, “What is this Grace given me, what is this mercy, can it be. What is this love with no demands? Poured on my thirsty soul by healing hands. How can you bear to look at me? I gave you weakness; you gave me strength. Can you love someone like me? Hold me captive, and I’m free.”

Daily Battle Order:

Stop holding your spouse (& those closest to you) captive to a set of rules and learn how to captivate each other with the love of God that is present, and sacrifice the distractions, those false misconceptions, and selfish tendencies. 

Also, come join TJC on the Battlefield, and bring your spouse, as this year’s registration includes spouses. More information at .



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