Importance of a Support Network

via TJC

She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:10-12)

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs 27:6)

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. (Proverbs 27:17)

After I came back from my first deployment to Kosovo I was a little different and was engaged to be married to my amazing bride. She married me in spite of these changes. I started to slowly lighten up and return to the guy she fell in love with over the next year before deploying again. But when I came back from 15mo in Iraq and had been in some pretty serious combat for a sustained amount of time, I was markedly different. I began to withdraw and didn’t have the tools to process a lot of what I had seen and had to do after living in a constant high threat environment for so long. When I returned to my wife and young son, I would never be the same man my wife had married.

When I came home there were very few close war buddies to hang out with and I was injured. I was also going to college full time and only reporting to my unit Monday and Friday mornings so I wasn’t really in my unit anymore. My daily routine for months became, go to Physical therapy or the gym or the pool, go to school, come home work on renovating my basement, do homework and go to sleep. All things that didn’t involve much socializing and would turn out to be a form of avoidance used to block out the bad thoughts and memories. Fortunately, my wife took issue with me being so removed and not spending time with her and my son and not wanting to leave the house I always had my head on a swivel and looking for threats ready to react violently at any second. My confronted me and told me that I was becoming a liar. I had promised her a different life and this wasn’t it. She pushed me to get help and to honor my commitments and restore our happy home. I married her because she wanted me to be the leader and I wasn’t taking care of myself properly so she was losing confidence in my ability to care for the family. She was right and I knew it. I did seek counseling and I did force myself to be more social which my wife needed. I needed it too but didn’t want to admit it. Sometimes we as men believe the lie that we can push through on our own and just shoulder the burden all on our own. While in many cases we men can just put our head down and slog through life it isn’t the life the Lord God intended when He made this world for us to enjoy. Jesus said that he came to bring Life and for us to live it abundantly which means with strong relationships and beautiful memories which aren’t made in isolation. It is the beautiful life and joyous moments that make the sacrifices worth laying down our lives for but if we only focus on the sacrifice and don’t chase after the good life as hard as we chase after work, accolades, hobbies, sports etc… (you fill in the blank) than we have missed the plot all together.

These were not the last of my troubles. I would end up being medically retired from the military and moving overseas to Germany working for the Army as a Civilian. While I would be surrounded by Americans all day I had few close personal friends even within my church and I was missing something. I would leave the Government and take a job in Industry. In this job I would meet a kindred Spirit who introduced me to the Joshua Commission. A remote group of men scattered around the US who have a fervent desire to serve the Lord, be accountable and be challenged to fight the battles in life being equipped for Victory. These men and these relationships would fill a big missing piece in my life and bring daily inspiration as we share our stories and seek the Lord.

Daily Battle Order:

Get connected and feed those relationships. If you don’t have a group that feeds you and that you can sow into then get started. Find a few couples that you meet with regularly, host a dinner party or serve finger food and make an interesting Cocktail or Mocktail, if you don’t have a group of guys that you meet with at least once a month, build a fire pit and get a good bottle of Bourbon and maybe some cigars and host night around the fire. When you are at work share your faith in love and take the risk of being transparent so you make personal connections and have the chance to share your life with those you see regularly, inquire about their families and memorize the names of their wives and children. Dare to connect and to care while being cared for. You will be filling a void that everyone needs filled. It is through community that the Lord expresses his love best.