For she did not know that I gave her corn, and wine, and oil, and multiplied her silver and gold,
Sometimes I feel like I’m married to Gomer, a woman who doesn’t appreciate me. I know God is pressing me to love unconditionally, but it’s truly hard.
The anchor verse suits. Many times marriage feels like a matter of living the good life based on what we both contribute financially, but do not truly appreciate what the other brings to the table. I am not a sole bread winner, so to speak – not close. We have it good and want for nothing. Yet it seems no matter how large the contributions may be and regardless of type, and whether one can do something the other cannot or will not; the appreciation is lacking.
I am often outright told my efforts fall short and worse, not good enough. Sure, I could go into the tit for tat scorekeeping about what I do and how I believe with all my heart I’m giving 110% every day. How I’m possibly doing what many Dad’s don’t get to do as I work remotely. However, it truly does seem that I could stay awake 24 hours a day and still not meet the expectation.
Do I do everything I should? No – who does? Do I hit my slumps where I’m not the Godly leader I typically strive to be? You bet. Am I in one of those right now? You might have just figured out where this DBO stems from. However, there are two in this endeavor; and it’s hard to face each day with renewed drive and desire to be Christ like in my unconditional love when I know in the back of my mind, I’m dispensable to her. Its hard not have thoughts of being trapped when you believe some things may never change – and I absolutely hate that! Because in that, my faith in who God is and will always be – who holds the hearts of kings - just went with the wind.
Professional counseling has tried and failed 3 or 4 times. However, the power and influence of God’s people who surround us seems to be the ticket. The more silent I am with refrain from reacting, and choosing battles wisely, the more influence the body of Christ seems to have – on both of us.
Daily Battle Order:
Choose to love God first. Choose to love your wife regardless. Choose to rely on God and His body of brothers and sisters who may have more influence than you. Choose silence over pride, and by all means find any way to not be offended by the verbal assaults thrown your way – especially those that make you feel and appear dispensible.