“but my dove, my perfect one, is unique, the only daughter of her mother, the favorite of the one who bore her. The young women saw her and called her blessed; the queens and concubines praised her.” ~Song of Songs 6:9 NIV
Solomon reveals to his beloved exactly why he loves her so deeply. He describes her body in passionate detail. He describes her mind and her impeccable character. But it’s the way he treats his beloved that really communicates his love for her.
I, like some men In the modern world, have difficulty putting my feelings into words. But like the old adage, “Actions speak louder than words.”- my wife’s top love languages are “Acts of Service” and “Words of Affirmation”.
A few weeks ago my wife showed me an article which described a “Post-It Note” exercise that could help me tangibly understand how much she serves our family. Basically, the author sat down with his wife and wrote on a Post-It notes each chore they were responsible for. As the mosaic took shape on the dining room table, she had far, far more post-its than he did (no surprise here fellas). Like many women, housework and child rearing are full-time responsibilities that aren’t set aside despite the other commitments she may have going on inside or outside of the home. It played out the same way when my wife and I discussed it. Honestly, I was embarrassed by how much I was under-serving.
Nonetheless it presented a challenge. If I am to lead my family and love my wife as Christ loved the church then I am to “out serve” her. Since she is my dove in the cleft, my perfect gift from God, I should want to relieve her burden. That’s what love does. I learned there are some chores she does that are strengths for me and I would even enjoy doing them. There are other tasks that God has wired her to excel at and it would be foolish for me to take those on. Then there are other things that we would both rather not do. In this case I try to hire it out or take it on myself without grievance.
Daily Battle Order:
Read the Post-It note article and ask your wife to do the exercise with you (https://apple.news/AbVzhSEM3QAG-yK_WuNeq3w). Even if “Acts of Service” is not one of her primary love languages, it will bless her immensely. Your legacy will strengthen because your children will see love in action through equity at home. Women (including your daughters) will call her blessed. Men will see it and will be irritated (lol) but challenged by your example (including your sons). Above all your bride will know your love is greater than words.